Why losing my voice was the best thing to happen to me as a singer!
- Abbi-Kaye Ellison
- Apr 9
- 4 min read
Nearly a decade into my professional singing career, I feel it's finally time discuss something that still seems to be a bit of a taboo subject, especially in the music industry: vocal injury.
This isn’t a sob story. It’s a cautionary tale, a confession of my own naivety, and ultimately, an honest account I hope might offer insight, comfort, and maybe even inspiration to others who find themselves in similar situations. (It happens to more people thank you think!).
Disclaimer: this piece includes some vocal geek-speak, a few slightly gruesome medical images of my throat, and the word nodule will be used more times than anyone would like. But if you're a singer, speaker, or someone who just loves to use their voice, this could be for you.
The Dream vs The Reality Check
Aside from a brief phase where I dreamed of being a badass female punk rock drummer, I’ve always wanted to be a singer. I threw myself into singing lessons and amateur dramatics throughout my teens and eventually took the university route with one clear goal: to become a professional singer.
I arrived at university as a confident Mezzo-Soprano (mid-high range voice) with a solid musical foundation and a sparkly “Disney Princess” sound. I truly believed I’d breeze through my training, relying on my natural ability. But talent can only take you so far but it didn’t take long for that reality to hit hard. In my second year of training I developed every singer's worst nightmare: nodules.
What Are Vocal Nodules? (Featuring real surgical pictures from inside my throat!)
For those unfamiliar first of all the "voice box" is referred to as the Larynx and the layrnx is made up of vocal folds which vibrate together to create sounds. Vocal nodules are callous-like growths that form on the vocal folds, usually due to vocal strain, overuse, or poor technique. Think of them as the blisters of the vocal world. Harmless, yes, but deeply disruptive. They affect tone, stamina, and in my case, completely wiped out my mid-range. I sounded less like a Disney heroine and more like Marge Simpson after a hen do in Blackpool. (Where I studied). (The nodules are the teeny tiny white spots!)
As nodules develop over time, it took around 3 months to get a diagnosis. They were initially thought to be allergies or infection. And after a rather invasive scope, they were finally diagnosed. But unlike others who face more severe damage, I was “lucky.” My nodules were still in the early stages. “Baby nodes,” I decided to coin them. Not severe enough for surgery, but serious enough to put my voice and confidence on pause.
The Emotional Weight
There’s a strange shame that surrounds vocal injuries, particularly for singers. It feels like it’s your fault. And in a way, it was. My nodules were a result of bad technique, vocal fatigue, stress, and enjoying my uni lifestyle. Which yes, I was fully responsible for. But in hindsight I'm very aware now that my body doesn't deal the best with said "stress". My peers could party as I would and their voice's would be fine. There is a level of trauma tolerance that my voice can with-hold and during that time, I apparently reached my limits.
The shame in association to my injury turned into guilt, and the guilt turned into a toxic cycle: the more I worried, the more tension I held. And the more tension I held, the worse things got. My self-worth and future career as a singer, something I’d built my entire identity around, was suddenly in question.
The Turning Point
But here's the twist: losing my voice was actually one of the best things that ever happened to me.
Why? Because those nodules led me to discover my love and skills for jazz singing!
With only my lower vocal range intact and performance assessments looming, I began exploring songs written for lower female voices and even male jazz standards. That led me to the greats: Ella Fitzgerald, Frank Sinatra, Judy Garland. I’d always loved vintage music and style, but this was the moment it became part of my voice. Ella’s version of They Can’t Take That Away From Me quite literally became the light at the end of the tunnel.
I wasn't ready to sing for money just yet, but for the first time in a long time, I loved singing again.
Stripped of my vocal “superpower,” I was also forced to lean into other elements of my training, acting, music theory, critical thinking. I had to ask: who am I without my voice? What if I never got it back?
It was humbling. But it gave me a deeper appreciation for the craft, for the body, and for the privilege of making music. It also taught me resilience, and that lesson alone has served me more times than I can count in my career.
A Fresh Start
I consider myself incredibly lucky that this all happened during my training years, not when I was reliant on gigs to pay the bills. I had the space to recover, rebuild, and re-learn. And I really did learn.
Going back to basics, starting from the ground up with Estill Vocal Training, I've gained an in-depth technical understanding of my voice. I now know how to spot fatigue, how to manage stress, and most importantly, how to sing with healthy, sustainable technique. It's a level of self-awareness I might never have reached if I hadn't been forced to stop and start again.
From the first signs of trouble in late 2014 to my final clear scope in 2016, it was a long, slow journey, which required a lot of patience. Healing took nearly two years. But despite what the industry might suggest, a thriving career followed. Not in spite of my nodules...but because of them.
If you’re a singer struggling with vocal issues, know this: you're not alone. Here's a small list of a few legendary singers who have also had to deal with vocal injury.
Michael Buble
Adele
Shania Twain
Bjork
Steve Tyler
Sam Smith
Elton John
And we know how it turned out for them!
Vocal nodules or injury doesn't have to mean the end of your career... it could in fact be the very beginning of something even better!
For more blogs posts about my career as a full time singer or for wedding planning and inspiration advice: VISIT MY BLOG PAGE
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